Mackey : I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay? Stan : We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before. Kenny's Mom : Well, fine. You go ahead and miss church and then when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan! Kenny : [ pauses ] Okay! Army General : [ shouting ] You told us that windows 98 would be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet! Bill Gates : It IS faster! Over five million Soldier : Hey, you hear that?
Sounds like a giraffe's dying over there! Saddam Hussein : Ya like that, don't ya, bitch? The Mole : There is no hope now, you must get out of here. Kyle : We can't leave without you! The Mole : It's okay, I'm done for.
Kyle : No! We can't leave without you! We don't know where the hell we are! The Mole : Were is your God when you need him, huh? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now? The Mole : Here I come, God. Here I come, you fucking rat. The Mole : [ singing ] Now the light, she fades The Mole : [ singing ] I will find pride within The Mole : [ singing ] Because although I die The Mole : [ singing ] Our freedom will be won The Mole : [ singing ] Though I die La Resistance lives The Mole : [ dramatic music starts ].
Kyle : [ cutting the orchestra off suddenly ] SHIT! Billy Baldwin : [ answers the phone ] Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin. If you want Daniel Baldwin call his extension, stupid! Billy Baldwin : Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin? Cartman : See, it doesn't hurt anyone! Fuck, fuckety, fuck, fuck, fuck. Cartman : Everybody's fucking seen it. Cartman : I'm sorry I can't help myself.
That movie has warped my fragile little mind. Stan : Wait, before we put a message out, do a search on the word clitoris. Kyle : Hmm OK Found: 8,, pages found with the word clitoris.
Chef : [ singing ] Everything worked out what a happy end. Americans and Canadians are friends again. So let's all join hands and knock oppression down. Cartman , Kyle , Stan : Don't you know our little lives are now complete? Cartman , Sheila Broflovski : 'Cause Terrance and phillip are sweet. Cartman , Kyle , Stan : Kick-ass! Kid : Ah, fuck that. Why should we fucking have to spell forensics? Big Gay Al : Bombs are flying, people are dying, children are crying, politicians are lying too.
Cancer is killing, Texaco's spilling, the whole world's gone to hell, but how are you? Satan : Is sex the only thing that matters to you? I fucking hate guard dogs! Cartman : Yeah, I heard you the first time you British piece of shit. Mackey : [ singing ] Step 4, don't say fuck anymore, 'cause fuck is the worst word that you can say.
Children : Fuck is the worst word that you can say. We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck no! Satan : You have spilled the blood of the innocent. Now begins two million years of Darkness. Chef : Oh, good job Mrs. Thanks a lot! Eric Cartman : I had to ride my bike here. My behind is killing me. Eric Cartman : I have to say "behind" because I get shocked if I say "ass". Saddam Hussein : [ singing ] Some people say that I'm a bad guy, they may be right, they may be right.
But it's not as if I don't try, I just fuck up, try as I might. But I can change, I can change! I can learn to keep my promises I swear it. I'll open up my heart and I will share it. Any minute now I will be born again! Yes, I can change, I can change, I know I've been a dirty little bastard. I like to kill, I like to maim, yes, I'm insane, but it's okay, cause I can change! It's not my fault that I'm so evil. It's society, society.
You see my parents were sometimes abusive, and it made a prick of me! But I can change, I can change. I can learn to keep my promises I know it. I'll open up my heart and I will show it, any minute now I will be born again! Satan : But what if you never change?
What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole? Saddam Hussein : Hey Satan, don't be such a twit. Mother Theresa won't have shit on me! Terrence : [ after singing and a few seconds of silence ] Suck my balls. Kyle : Man, this movie gets better every time I see it! Cartman : Yeah, but you know what? That whole part about lighting farts is bullshit. You can't do that.
Kenny McCormick : [ muffled ] Yeah, you can! Cartman : [ stops and turns ] No way. Kenny McCormick : [ muffled ] Yes you can. Cartman : Okay, Kenny. I'll bet you a hundred dollars you can't light a fart on fire.
Check it out. Stan : [ steps forward and yells ] Help! Somebody do something! Cartman : Aahh! This stick is on fire! Kenny McCormick : [ muffled ] Ooowww! Stan : Oh my God, you killed Kenny! Terrence : This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture. The Mole : Now, did you bring the mirror? The Mole : Did you bring the rope?
The Mole : Did you bring the buttfor? Cartman , Kyle , Stan : [ singing ] Why did our mothers start this war?
What the fuck are they fighting for? When did this song become a marathon? Satan : Saddam, could I talk to you over here for a second? I don't see why you have to belittle me in front of people like that. Satan : Sometimes I think you don't have any respect for me. Saddam Hussein : Come here, guy. Who's my cream puff? Terrence : You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip! Phillip : Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker? Terrence : Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs.
Newscaster : But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film is the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada. Let us not forget Bryan Adams. Cartman : What? Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here. Cartman : Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Now who wants to touch me? Cartman : [ yells ] I said, who wants to fuckin' touch me? Canadian Ambassador : Can I finish? Please, can I finish? Canadian Ambassador : OK I'm finished. Jimbo Kearn : Oh boy, military action, Ned, we're gonna kill us some goddam Australians!
Ned Gerblanski : I think we're fighting Canadians. Jimbo Kearn : Canadians, Australians, what's the difference? Stan : Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris? Cartman : What, is that like finding Jesus or something? The Mole : What do you think this is kid?
Stan : Hey, Mole. You know where the "clitoris" is? Stan : The "clitoris. The Mole : Hey, you have to stop thinking with your dick! You have to be on your toes, because I am not going be grounded again. Not for you, not for anybody! The Mole : If anything goes wrong, make a sound like a dying giraffe.
Stan : What's a dying giraffe sound like? Terrence : [ singing ] Looks like we may be out of luck. Phillip : [ singing ] Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked!
Satan : You have spilt the blood of the innocence, now begins 2,, years of darkness! Chef : [ sarcastically ] Oh, good job, Mrs. Sheila Broslofski : [ innocently ] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children! Saddam Hussein : Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me! Saddam Hussein : [ laughs ] Yeah! Cartman : [ Casually ] Oh that was my bad, sorry. Before someone thinks of blaming us! Cartman : Oh, you poor dear!
You've been through so much. Cartman : I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire, and now he's all pissed off. Cartman : damn I can't say "pissed off" either! Kenny McCormick : [ muffled ] Coming! Stan Marsh : Kenny! The new Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come with me? Kenny McCormick : Yeah, dude! Come on, let's go, quick Kenny McCormick : But mom, I really wanna see this movie!
Kenny's Mom : Fine. You go ahead and miss church. And then, when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan! Garrison : I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang. Terrence : Now, Phillip, did you learn something in all this? Phillip : I did, Terrence. I learned that you're a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck-face!
Cartman : Hey Stan, tell them about the part where Terrence calls Phillip a testicle shitting rectal wart. Stan : [ singing ] The sun is shining and the grass is green. Ticket Taker : Hey wait a minute, where is your guardian? Ticket Taker : I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in. Didn't you? Cartman : Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater. Newscaster : Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini.
Ticket Taker : Because this movie has naughty language! Next please. Cartman : Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh? Sheila Broflovski Phillip : Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker, you're a boner-biting-bastard, uncle fucker. Stan : Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy? Chef : Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris. Doctor : Dammit! It never gets any easier!
Sheila Broslofski : [ singing ] Blame Canada! Blame Canada! It seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along.
Man in Chorus : [ singing ] They're not even a real country anyway. Cartman : [ Realizing he still has Mr. Hat ] Why the hell am I still holding this thing for? Garrison : [ From off screen ] Mr. Hat, no! Cartman : Aw, screw it. It probably isn't all that good anyway.
Kyle : Cartman! What the hell are you talking about? Cartman : Yeah, but the animation is all crappy. What you're doing for our country is sooo cool! I mean, war, man. Cartman : That movie has warped my fragile little mind. Woman in Theatre : [ Terrence And Phillip are singing "Uncle Fucka", and two movie patrons walk out in the middle of the song ] What garbage!
Man in Theatre : Well, what do you expect, they're Canadian! Terrence : Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience.
Phillip : I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face. Terrence : [ they laugh ] Wanna see the northern lights? Phillip : Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Saddam Hussein : That's my baby! Terrence : You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!
Phillip : Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker? Terrence : Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs. Phillip : Oh yeah! Newscaster : But, Mr. Minister, it isn't like this film is the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada. Let us not forget Bryan Adams. Kyle : Dude! Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here. Cartman : Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie.
Now who wants to touch me? Cartman : [yells] I said, who wants to fuckin' touch me? Jimbo Kearn : Oh boy, military action, Ned, we're gonna kill us some goddam Australians!
Ned Gerblanski : I think we're fighting Canadians. Jimbo Kearn : Canadians, Australians, what's the difference? Stan : Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris? Kyle : The what? Cartman : What, is that like finding Jesus or something?
The Mole : What do you think this is kid? Stan : Hey, Mole. You know where the "clitoris" is? The Mole : Ze what? Stan : The "clitoris. The Mole : Hey, you have to stop thinking with your dick! You have to be on your toes, because I am not going be grounded again.
Not for you, not for anybody! The Mole : If anything goes wrong, make a sound like a dying giraffe. Stan : What's a dying giraffe sound like? Terrence : [singing] Looks like we may be out of luck. Phillip : [singing] Tomorrow night, we're pretty fucked! Satan : You have spilt the blood of the innocence, now begins 2,, years of darkness! Chef : [sarcastically] Oh, good job, Mrs. Sheila Broslofski : [innocently] I was just trying to make the world a better place for children!
Saddam Hussein : Yeah, and brought enough intolerence in the world to allow my coming. Now everyone bow down to me! Saddam Hussein : [laughs] Yeah! Cartman : [Casually] Oh that was my bad, sorry. Cartman : Oh, you poor dear! You've been through so much.
Cartman : I bet him he couldn't light a fart on fire, and now he's all pissed off. Cartman : damn I can't say "pissed off" either! Stan Marsh : Dude, dude, wake up! Stan Marsh : Kenny, come on! Kenny McCormick : [muffled] Coming! Stan Marsh : Kenny!
The new Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come with me? Kenny McCormick : Yeah, dude! Come on, let's go, quick Kenny's Mom : You can't, you gotta go to church.
Kenny McCormick : But mom, I really wanna see this movie! Kenny's Mom : Fine. You go ahead and miss church. And then, when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan! Kenny McCormick Garrison : I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.
Terrence : Now, Phillip, did you learn something in all this? Phillip : I did, Terrence. I learned that you're a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck-face! Cartman : Hey Stan, tell them about the part where Terrence calls Phillip a testicle shitting rectal wart. Stan : [singing] The sun is shining and the grass is green. Ticket Taker : Hey wait a minute, where is your guardian? Ticket Taker : I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in.
Didn't you? Cartman : Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater. Satan : The day is mine! Newscaster : Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini.
Ticket Taker : No! Stan : What do you mean no? Stan : But why? Ticket Taker : Because this movie has naughty language! Next please. Cartman : Wow, I guess you can light a fart on fire, huh? Sheila Broflovski Cartman : This is fucking weak Phillip : Shut your fucking face, uncle fucker, you're a boner-biting-bastard, uncle fucker. Stan : Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy?
Chef : Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris. Stan : Huh? Chef : Whoops. Cartman : [Realizing he still has Mr. Hat] Why the hell am I still holding this thing for?
Garrison : [From off screen] Mr. Hat, no! Cartman : Aw, screw it. It probably isn't all that good anyway. Kyle : Cartman! What the hell are you talking about? Cartman : Yeah, but the animation is all crappy. Cartman : That movie has warped my fragile little mind. Terrence : Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience. Phillip : I sure have, Terrance. I've learned that you are a boner-biting, dick-fart, fuck face. Terrence : [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights?
Phillip : Ha ha ha. You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart. Ha ha ha. Terrence : I sure did, Philip! Satan : Saddam, I need to talk to you.
Saddam Hussein : Ah, you'd better get packing, bitch, we're running out of time. Satan : [sighs] sometimes you can love someone very much, but still know they aren't right for you. Satan : You treat me like shit, Saddam! I'm leaving you! Saddam Hussein : What? You can't do that! I have to go to Earth! Satan : You don't even have any respect for me. Saddam Hussein : Sure I do, guy, please, just hear me out.
Stan : But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada. Stan : Thank you Clitoris! Kyle : Dude, that movie was fucking sweet! Cartman : You bet your fuckin' ass it was! Stan : Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip! Satan : [singing] What if you remain a sandy little butthole? Cartman : Hey, you're holding up the god damn lunch line! Cartman : [mocking the mole] Shut of ze power Cartman, zis is very important Cartman. Phillip : This little scrotum sucker deceived us.
Mountain town! Stan : [pointing at Kenny in the sky] Look. The Mole : [dying] Here I come, God. Cartman : Hey Stan!
Tell them about the part where Terrance called Phillip a "testicle-shitting rectal wart! The Mole : You realize that by doing this we could be grounded for two, perhaps even three weeks. Eric Cartman : More people will come if they think we have punch and pie. Kyle : [typing] Punch and pie. Mackey : [over loud speaker] Anyone wearing Terrance and Phillip shirts are to be sent home immediately! Children : [pause] Hurray! Stan : Hey you guys I found the clitoris.
I think I can get Wendy to like me again. Cartman : Yeah I guess all's well that end's well. We can go home now. You dipshit! Eric Cartman : Mom, there's someone at the door. Eric Cartman : Mom, I said there's someone at the door! Cartman : Coming, hun. Cartman : Oh, look Eric, It's your little friends! Ike Broflovski : Fireman! Eric Cartman : What are you guys doing here? Eric Cartman : Aw, sweet dudes! Cartman : Off to the Movies we shall go!
Where we learn everything that we know! Because the Movies tell us what our parents don't have time to say General : You can still see fart jokes on Nickelodeon. This is about more than fart jokes! This is about freedom of speech, about censorship and stuff.
Cartman : Kyle, all those times I said you were a big dumb jew. I didn't mean it. You're not a Jew. Kyle : Yes, I am. I am a Jew, Cartman. Cartman : No, no, Kyle, don't be so hard on yourself. Stan : Listen Mr. Homeless man : Six tickets please! Sheila Broslofski : Gentlemen, do you have any last words?
Phillip : Last words? How's aboot: "Get me the fuck out of this chair! Terrance : Well, Phillip, I hope you've learned something from this whole experience. Terrance : [they laugh] Wanna see the northern lights? Terrance : I sure did Philip! The Mole : I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days. Kyle : So are we. Our parents think we're home right now. Stan : Why are you grounded? The Mole : Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable.
So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded. Cartman : [not cursing to avoid getting shocked by V-chip] Son of a gun! Stan : [singing] You see homeless people but you just don't care! Cartman : Mr. Mackey, can I ask a question? Mackey : What? Cartman : What's the big fucking deal, bitch? Stan : Yeah! Phillip : Cheers, fuck-face. Garrison : All the Baldwins are dead!
Satan : The time of prophecy is upon us! Saddam Hussein : I love when you get all biblical, Satan! You know exactly how to turn my crank. Satan : No, I'm being serious!
Kyle : You don't think they're really going to kill Terrence and Phillip, do you? Cartman : Kyle you need to stop being such a chicken shit and stand up to your mother! Sheila Broflovski : Kyle you are grounded for two weeks. Sharon Marsh : You too Stan.
But how? Too young, not enough money, pff, i think the younger you are the better it is to get out of the system. I like that word, system. Money, god damn money is the only thing. Well, that and travelling alone. Shit, I forgot we could only do that with our parents permission and some signed letter or something! Hmmm, taking a year or too off after high school sounds ok, making some money, travelling around the world.
I wish it could be sooner. Well, here I am again. I've just finished grade 8 at oak bay high, and it was alot easier than I thought. Anyone have any ideas wether I should get the Razr or the Krzr? I can't believe I sold my old Nintendo64, it was that see-through green kind!!!
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